The Secure Affair by Chloe Austin

I can’t see anything other than a mere shadow of my former self, but I see growth in the future. My love, I fear you will come to know more than I prefer but the truth is still far from the life I am expected to perform. Even with prying curiosity, I’m unsure if you can stay fixated long enough. You will see into me, even when I think I am alone. You might try to watch until you find it, but there are things here that I have mastered at keeping buried, always. Don’t deflect my insecurities, they are real.

It changes when you stare, I weaken. Is that how to seduce me? My tongue is pressed tight to my palette, waiting for something different. Only then, maybe, I’ll realize that I can let you invade my patterns. I am worried about how I can help you, what I can give you. I’ve been told before that I am always leaving and never arriving. I will wait to decide if I can let you see, let you in. Does that appeal?

- you know who  

Today I was unable to escape the grasping glare…because I didn’t want to. My love, It’s like a type of suffocating safety. I hope the walls will be broken down around me and stay wondering if you see the pleading in my eyes whilst hearing whispers of comfort. Losing myself in your gaze. I am slowly losing the anxiety of losing. Your monotone silence maintains my breath as I step outside and sense yoursecurity. I’ve started to notice that I crave your presence, your assurance.

You’re capturing me, leaving me startled beyond all measures and time. Your light doesn’t hurt me, I quite like it. It rises over me, in a clear and registered motion. I wish to brighten up your darker days. It’s evident that I will begin leaving the shutters open and the door unlocked, for you.

- you know who  

As I wander towards more than I am, I feel you. You hold me with your eyes and I feel safe. You’ll find me through the daily mundane. Please don’t blame me for being guarded. This trust lays exposed when I offer you me, so you can keep an eye. Cautious to put trust into you, I didn’t mean to show you, I never wanted you to see. Yet the power you hold over me, made me succumb and share everything with you.

Seduced as I was, hypnotised and hijacked. The fear of being rather than becoming, adds ounces each day. Your worth is unmeasurable, your value is high. It is only the true world you are afraid of. My love, I will show you, there is nothing to be afraid of, like you show me.

- you know who  

You have hunger for it, you are lit up by my infatuation. I can feel nothing but your burningspark, your electric energy that sends shivers to the very core of us both. Each diffusing into each other, touching my desires into yours.  Like madness would love a straitjacket, like cellophane wraps candy. Behind your gaze, I discover new worlds. It has become normal for me to dream of you now. Dreams of gathering your essence, of sedating you, stimulating you, so you can find me. Take me. Have me. My love, you are deserving of the invisible and invincible.

We consume ourselves. Holding the tenderness of our gaze. You buzz desire for me, I can’t wait to answer. Alluring, daring, astounding. I have become enraptured in your vision. I would too steal you away and cage you happily for my eyes only.

- you know who  

Don’t lose focus, you might miss me. I’ll tell you something for free, I will not criticise your system. I’ll fuck it. You are blushing, don’t be embarrassed when you watch me perform. I have a thrill of beingunder you. Some call you obscene and profane. To me, you are my guardian. This is something wonderful but unfamiliar. You see me in my heavy black coat, but you can’t see what is underneath. Robbing, rubbing me through my layers. Trickle yourself into my entire being. Would you be wanting more?

I submit myself. While my flesh melts, I can feel your hold, dominant. Yet, so tender your influence. A union of our bodies entangles a bond that’s secure. I ache to be consumed by you, I’ll leave myself exposed today for your pleasure.

- you know who  

You watched my every move, but somehow you seen nothing. I notice you are watching someone else now. I’m not enough. What do you want? The painof my emotions being exported, oblivious to the fact I was solely your prey. I have fallen from the day, I have slipped from your sight. I spent my whole life seeking you, but you never wanted to be spotted. At times I felt you looked back, what a fool I am. With no hesitation, you will fill the void with other bodies. You transform what it means to be free. You have filled me up with the notion that if there is nothing to hide than there is nothing to fear. You have become my biggest fear.

- you know who  

I have learned from you. I do not hold any resentment. Traces will always fill the empty space, you have shown me to become resistant and to feel alive in life. I know you can replay the best yesterdays, on repeat. Come tomorrow, it is a clean-slate. I shall be forgiving, when you compare those beauties to me. I will pardon your abusive taunts as you once met all my needs, how can I forget the protection? My love, I am hurt. But I will always belong to your days of private and public promises. Your secret surveillance.

- you know who  

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