Poetry by Elle preston

One last laugh (2019)

My face





At all the right moments

As if

Following a script

I did not feel

Anything anymore

Except Nothing

Sometimes, whilst wondering

If I could ever feel again,

I imagined

All the ways

I could escape this prison

I did my best

To convince myself

That it was right

That what I knew to be true

Was a lie

I was unprepared

When my mind

Spilled out

All the times

You made me feel

Out of control



Tangled up with

All the times

You made me laugh

Until my stomach hurt

When you cradled me

As I cried

How could I leave

I knew nothing else

But I realised


If I stayed

I was choosing to live a life


Or choosing

To die

I knew I had to go

But, please

Couldn’t I just have

One last

Laugh with you

Photography by Jasmine Hepherd

Tomorrow (2019)

Your hand slithers onto my chest

It tightens


Not tonight

I lay there lifeless

My body unchanged by your touch

I feel your hot breath on my neck

Your hard crotch rubbing against my thigh


Hand sliding down towards my stomach


My hands jerk to grab yours

No further, please

But they squirm their way back

Onto my breasts

I gaze into your eyes

Searching for recognition

I’m tired,

I say,

I don’t feel like it

Your movements

Do not slow

In fact

They quicken

And your hands continue

To snake over my body

Just relax,

You say,

Your wet tongue crawling over my nipples,

Let me help you

I am floating

Away from my body

I do not feel

But my nipples harden


Again, my hands push yours away

And again

I attempt to say


Not now, I can’t

But I am meek

And my words seem to be

Lost on you

You continue to touch

This body that is no longer mine

Tongue stabbing

Fingers intruding

I feel nothing

You look up at me

With hungry eyes

Searching for validation

I attempt a smile

And you are satisfied

Rage builds inside my chest

How dare you

Ask for my validation


This is


What I asked for

I don’t want it

Jolted back into my body

My hands desperately scramble

Urging you away

At first

You resist

And then

You sigh

Your eyes turn cold

You turn your back

I call out your name




My arms gently reach

Around your waist

I’m sorry,

I say,

But you simply

Slide away

I continue to cry out your name


Can we just talk

But I am greeted

With an icy silence

Eventually, unheard,

I surrender

Naked and alone

I tremble

And wonder

What is wrong with me

Why can’t I

Let you in

What can I do

To feel your love again

Tears fall


Not daring to make a sound

I do not deserve

Any sympathy

I cannot let you know

I have already

Done enough

I will my tears to stop

I will my eyes to shut

I will to be swallowed

Up by sleep

If I will enough

Maybe I will forget

And maybe

Tomorrow will be different

Poetry by Elle Preston

Follow Elle on instagram @wordsbyellepreston

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