T H E M E O F T H E F O R T N I G H T: G R I E F
We all experience death and departure many times throughout life. Grief can be like the ocean; the waves hit us lightly when we think of a sweet memory or crash into us with a burst of hurt and emotion. When a partner, parent, grandparent, or lover leave us we often feel lost or abandoned. We feel such a connection that we do not know how to live without them. We need to believe that we are enough and we can live without them. Even if they aren't physically with us, they always exist within us. They are a part of us but are not the whole of us. Never feel bad by the way in which you choose to mourn. Let yourself feel love, sadness or even discovery. Keep the wounds protected, but instead of placing a plaster over it, let it breathe and let it heal. Let time heal you, do not rush and do not let anyone determine how you should grief.
Her husband was diagnosed when her daughter was 20 weeks old. Paula felt she "was the last person on the planet equipped to be a single parent" and felt she couldn't "exist without him." She started to take photos of herself obsessively as "an excuse to get dressed", "an excuse not to get dressed" for her it was "proof" that she hadn't disappeared or been buried with him.
The photographs included are from her series entitled " YOU AND YOUR SELFIES."
"My father was given two months to live in November.
He lasted 2 hours and 31 minutes longer.
And centuries in terms of the rich feelings exchanged in this time, which will vibrate to my eternity.
Life makes us bleed
-perhaps the worst state of being is not feeling anything at all-
Life make us numb.
I must celebrate this helpless state of missing him
I must cherish the scattered chaos left inside me.
.... embrace the depth of feeling, the unquenchable longing from not knowing him more as a man - and less as a parent-
Take the punch that I will never lay eyes on him again.
.......lay open to all the different hells that rise inside
Allow to seep through my skin
So they may return as sparkles of him."
Find more of Paula's work on her website.